Today I went and visited my mother in law. The "other" one. She and I get along pretty well. They are pretty hard on the older 2 kids. They expect them to visit for an hour or two and not move from the couch or a little patch on the floor. Stinky is TWO. There is no way he is gonna do that. So he was told "No" alot this morning. But he took it like a champ.
I am pretty sure that MIL smacked his hand while I wasn't looking. He came running in to me saying, "Owie...hand..." Then he scowled and pointed at MIL "Hit me...mean to me!" He said it over and over. I didn't see it happen, so I didn't say anything. Maybe I should have... She did see me swat his had after he touched the same thing over and over again after I told him no. Maybe she thought it was ok. My policy is NOBODY disciplines my kids without my permission. And they certainly don't have it. It wasn't a spanking...just a tap I am sure. But still... I feel like I did the wrong thing for not saying anything. But then...oh I could go round and round...
I did get done what I wanted to get done though. And that was put a plug in for birthday gifts for Red, Stinky and Dan. They rarely get them anything. Dan usually gets $100 in cash. Nothing for the kids. So I figured if I went over there with some "suggestions" we might see something this year. We asked for them to renew our Disney annual passes. We'll see if that happens. Dan HATES asking them for things. But I figure, Dan and the kids deserve it. They are fairly well off and can completely afford something for them. I am not trying to be greedy, but they are their GRANDPARENTS. They can acknowledge their birthdays, right?
My parents have so much less than them and really stretch to dote on my kids. I guess not everybody can be like that.
I enjoyed being the center of my grandparents' universe. I want that for my kids too.
18 comments:
I have found in my limited experience that kids are generally closer to their maternal grandparents anyway. I was certainly the center of my grandparents' world and I thought it was great. Not so much from my dad's parents. I figure your kids are super lucky to have your mom and dad to spoil them rotten and the others are just an added bonus sometimes.
My grandparents gave me $5 every year on my birthday, every year until I was about 18. I wondered if they ever thought about inflation and how after a while, $5 was like getting nothing at all. Then I turned 18 and they stopped sending me anything. Wish I had been more appreciative of the $5.
-Mike
Jes - That is a good way of looking at it. I was closer to my dad's parents just because they lived closer to us and we saw them more.
Mike - I think sometimes with that generation it was hard to break the "depression" mentality. At least they remembered you and sent you something. :)
I so hear where you are coming from with the whole blog today. Regarding the discipline: my view is that if my kids are at someone elses house they have to try and follow the rules, but I am the one to dole out the punishment. The only place where someone else can discipline my kids is at Travis' parents house. I'm way meaner than my MIL, so I know that my kids are fine there. I have had that problem myself a few times with other people, but it's hard to say anything if you don't see it happen. I say let it go this time and then watch her like a hawk next time. As for not buying her grandkids birthday gifts, that is just wrong! But it's her loss because as your kids get older they will realize how awful she is and not have anything to do with her. What goes around comes around!!! You only have one chance with your kids and with your grandkids, either you embrace it or not. As you can tell I am very passionate about the grandparent thing. My kids don't really have a great relationship with either set of grandparents and it makes me sad. At least your parents make up for the lame ones!!! I hope the suggestions worked!
I can see your point but at least they don't over do it like my ex-MIL. I felt like I lived in the aftermath of a Sear's blow up.
My in-laws think that football is more important than their grandkids. I have stopped scheduling birthday parties around home games and such. Really. They've missed parties for football. Seriously. It's a GAME, people. These are your son's flesh and blood! So, in party pics, my boys can always ask 'Where's Gamma and Pop?' At a football game.
My dad and stepmom don't usually come either. But they live 6 hours away, not 2. I think that's a bit more forgiveable.
Then there's my mom, who I think would honestly live with us if I would let her. Of course, this is the same woman who hinted that I'm a bad mommy because I am planning on going to praise team practice at church on my son's birthday tomorrow. Nevermind that we've already had 2 (yes, two) parties for him. Give me a freakin' break!
I enjoyed this blog more than words can express.
I have yet to understand how anyone can feel the need to discipline other foke kids! That is too annoying to me.
Don't even get me started.
I LOVE my MIL (hubby's mom) and dad. They are wonderful I must say.
I recently went through some drama about family telling me I need to cut my son's hair (he had braids/afro)--I had to all but cuss them all out and now we're all one big happy family again.
Why do I need to go so far to the other side to get people to understand that they need to mind their own business. My goodness, take care of their own business they won't have time for ours!
Tell them look, Here's your grandbabies, spoil them, enjoy them while they're here and keep your mouth shut and your hands off of disciplining them.
Thank you have a nice day! LOL--can you tell this struck a cord with me ;)
You totally deserve the disney passes and MORE!
Okay first of all where is the BI*CH I'm going to kick her in the mouth for touching 'our' boy!!!! Get the hell off! And hello, the least they can do is pony up some cash so you can buy some gifts. Wow I sound like such a brat! But hey, I love you and Dan and the kids.
miss you
Oh SHEESH. I'm right there with the opinion of maternal grandparents being more doting (SP?) That's just my experience. We are pretty lucky in that Mike was the "last of the Corry's" and he produced a son who was the very first grand child. So, he is a favorite. Sometimes the opinions need to go! I remember when my MIL asked Mike if she could give him(JT) a snack after I had told her 2 times that he didn't need one. After running around hunting for some crackers to buy, I came back to my son munching on cookies....Sneaky, Sneaky is right! Looking back, it was silly to get so peeved. After all, he was hungry but I do go around in circles about it. Your situation is different though. No one should touch your kid in a disciplinary manner with out your concent. If you catch her next time.....give her an ear full!
Tanyetta, I cried when they cut my babies gorgeous curls off. Hold on to it as long as you can if that's your wish!
I'd have no problem with my mom disciplining my daughters but my ex's mom? No way. Not fair I know, but the way it is.
I would understand her telling the kids no, it is her house but discipline is up to the parent. It is a hard concept for a lot of women and sometimes a knee-jerk reaction. You did the right thing by not calling her on it. Next time tell her "a story" about how it bothered you when "someone else" disciplined in your place. She will probably be sympathetic and get the message without having to confront her.
I had a very hard time adjusting to 'my way' vs 'their way'.It took practice but now I am great at saying, "Did mommy say ok?" or "ask your mommy" and if they are touching something I think they shouldn't, I just move the object. No smacking or saying no involved, no boundaries crossed. I feel better and I don't have to worry.
It's also hard when you go to houses that aren't kid friendly. I have a family friend who has knick knacks everywhere and when I bring the kids I ask her, "Can I move this stuff for now? I promise I'll put it back before we leave. I just don't want to worry about them breaking anything" She agrees everytime and we've been invited back time and again.
Im sure if I smacked my sons childrens butts for misbehaving my DIL would be fine with it, because she knows how much I love those children and I would never intentionally hurt them. I think its b/c my DIL and I have such a good relationship to.
Hi Kristin! I SO feel you on the grandparent birthday gift thing right now! Michael's birthday was, what, 3 weeks ago and neither Jeff's dad and step-mom or Jeff's brother and fiance have done anything for Michael - not even a card. Jerks! None of them came to the party and it's not like they live hours away - 15 minutes is more like it! Even worse, my IL's promised him that they would take him to Sea World and Chuck E Cheese the weekend after and then they backed out at the last minute! GRRRR!!! I keep wondering when it's going to dawn on them that they all blew it off...Maybe when we blow off BIL's b-day in November and Step-MIL's b-day in December??? It'll be interesting, to say the least...
Anyway, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Gloria keeps her hands off your kids and that they actually pony up the $$$ to renew your Disney passes!!!
I had Grandparents that really didn't give a rip-snort about me or my life. No birthday cards or Christmas gifts came my way. Really made me feel insignificant. I'm glad to see my parents take a more active role in the lives of my children as grandparents.
Grrrrr, I don't like it when people correct my kids when I'm around. If I'm there, they need to let ME be the parent. Now, if I was gone, then I am a little more lenient and allow some discipline, but my husband and I are the only ones who are allowed to spank my kids.
My MIL has no time for my kid...
She had no time for my husband when he was a kid...
But boy oh boy can she give advice on dicipline...
Betty and I were lucky boith sets of granparents loved the kids and were there for them.
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