Budding Life

The last 6 months have been a journey for me. I look back to last summer or so and see the way my life was and look at it now and in many ways I barely recognize where I was. For me, the fall brought about some pretty dark days. Some of you know the trials I have had to face with my middle born. For those of you who don't, I was in the midst of a very steep downward spiral with him. I would say that he was living up to his nickname, Stinky, but that barely scratches the surface.

My little man has so many wonderful, charming qualities. His startling blue eyes and round chubby cheeks make me melt. His soft, sweet voice begging my attention just one more time before I turn his light out at night. "You look pretty, mommy..." - at least 10 times a day. The qualities I've always known that are there...I could see those sparks of the tenderhearted man that I know he will become even when our troubles were at their worst. That is the coolest thing about motherhood - looking at your kids and always have the ability to see to the heart of them - the person they WILL become, the person you are hoping to mold them to be. And then on your knees in desperation, praying you don't mess it up.

Little Stinky put me through the wringer. No doubt about it. I'll probably continue to share more as I distance myself from the experience. But for now, I am happy to say that the clouds have begun to clear.

I've taken a long breather from Arbonne. As much as I loved it, my focus HAD to be on my son. And that took every ounce of my being and then a little bit more. As I am gaining emotional strength, I am considering my future there and not sure what I feel.

I look back to last summer and see someone desperately lonely. And today I can say, that really isn't true. I have had a burst of new friendships that have done wonders for me. I feel happier, more fulfilled. It is amazing what companionship can do for a drowning soul. I feel content with my life in a way that I have not felt in quite a while. Sometimes friendships just touch you in such a profound way you feel as though it is bigger than you somehow. Does that make sense?

I have been going to a Bible study every other Thursday night with them, which has been good for me. As much as I TRULY, WHOLEHEARTEDLY believe in my faith, I had become stagnant. Somehow, these new friendships have brought about a new "interest", or passion in my feelings and relationship with Christ.

We do playdates once or twice a week, we help each other with childcare. All the things friends do for each other - but I had somehow been missing in my life for a while. It has made me realize how the smallest things we do, can affect eachother so profoundly. And if we dig deep and look to Someone much greater, the help can found.

Funny Suprises

This story begins nearly 10 years ago. My parents used to pastor a traditional church many years ago. After some tragic events, our family left that ministry in a hurt and broken state. Those events, which I'd rather not elaborate upon, changed my life profoundly. I was in Bible College, ambitious, determined, my life planned out. That time in my life set me on a very different track.

After we left our church, my parents and I drove from California to Dallas, Texas to visit family for several weeks. We stayed with my Aunt Eileen and Uncle Tom in their home which was on the market at the time. I remember this specifically because one day I had washed my hands, and left my amethyst ring (a high school graduation gift from my parents) on the sink and went out because there was a family coming to look at the house. When I returned, the ring was gone. I searched my luggage, under the bed, in every nook and cranny. We even scoured the vacuum cleaner. It was gone. We finally determined that they ring was likely stolen by the people who were looking at the house. My parents and I returned to California, my beautiful ring lost forever and my heart even heavier.

In the last 10 years I have moved on. I mended a broken relationship with the Lord, married my wonderful husband and have had three gorgeous kids. All in all, my life is a happy one. So the events in the last few weeks, what are they to mean?

A few weekends ago my parents and I travelled to Dallas once again. It was my Grandmother's 90th birthday. Her health has been declining in the last few months, so my husband and I agreed that I should go and celebrate this special day with her.

The day of the party was a blur of food, preparation, presents, flowers, people.... My Gram looked at the gift table and saw a sparkle. "Who's ring is this?" she said.

My aunt Eileen answered that it belonged to my other aunt, Rhonda. The day went on, my Gram was glowing and looked more alive and happy than every. As the guests began to dwindle, Eileen stood near me, holding that ring and said to my mother, "I just don't know who's this could be." At that moment, the glimmer caught my eye with a distinct familiarity.

"Let me look at that...." I said cautiously.

I took the ring and slipped it on my finger and stared with bewilderment. Could this be?

"Where did you find this?"

Eileen said that my cousin had found it that morning in a gardening glove.

In a gardening glove.

10 years later.

In a different house.

In Texas.

On a day that I HAPPENED to be there.

Coincidence? Impossible. I believe that that God placed that ring in that glove and lead all the events that transpired so that I would be given that gift that day.

The story trickled through the rest of the family and guests. Reactions ranged from, how amazing, how bizarre, weird!

But the one that sticks out to me and leaves me puzzled is this:

A woman, who's name I don't know, came up to me and said with great conviction, "That ring is a symbol of God's redemption in your life. And this is just the beginning." I felt chills. I knew this was more than just words, but a message meant so very personally to me.

I know that something big is on the horizon. I know that God has amazing plans for my life and I can't wait to see how it will unfold.

"Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:18-19.

4 Days and counting

It's gonna happen in 4 days. I feel something seeping out of me. It's my 20s. I'd say all the fun years are behind me, but I was never a real wild child so I guess I'll have to make up for it in the next decade. Yes, my 30s will be the decade of booze and sex and staying up all night.

Ok...so there won't be alot of booze...but hey, why not a little more since I was pregnant through my 20s. Maybe we can just declare Tuesday as Martini Tuesday. I like that plan. Hopefully some sex...but then again we all know where that got us in our 20s. And staying up all night isn't so much of an option as a guarantee with my little hooligans. But by GOD, I am going to live it up.

I have been assured by some wise souls that turning 30 isn't equivalent to falling off a cliff. I've even heard that this is going to be the best decade of my life, raising my kids and still being young.

Despite the horrifying number of candles on my cake...(there will be cake, right?)...I am so much happier now than I was 10 years ago. I truly wouldn't go back if I could. I am so much more self confident now and happy with my day to day life. I did some amazing things in my 20s. Got many big life goals accomplished. I married a wonderful man and had 3 beautiful children. I guess I have been busy for only being 29 years and 361 days old.

But here is a list of 30 things I would like to do in the next 30 years.

1. Go to Europe
2. Finally get a haircut I like
3. redecorate my house
4. Learn to knit
5. Take a Chinese cooking class
6. Learn to make a mean margarita
7. Go to a country concert (I never go because no one I know likes country)
8. Own a sexy car
9. Learn to exercise regularly
10. Learn to decorate cakes
11. Watch my kids graduate from high school
12. See my kids go on their first date and try not to snicker
13. Be best friends with my daughter, just like I am with my mom
14. Help my kids through college
15. Pay for Savannah's wedding
16. Give each of my kids a car
17. Go on a romantic second (did I ever really have a first??) honeymoon with my hubby.
18. Go to New York and see a Broadway play
19. Go on a girls vacation with Shana
20. Move to Texas
21. Take a trip on a train
22. Go on a Disney cruise with our kids.
23. Have a dog that gives birth to puppies
24. Take some classes that interest me for no reason, no pressure of grades (Political science, Spanish, history...things I didn't enjoy when I was younger but could appreciate now.)
25. Go to the Hershey Spa.
26. Own something by Prada.
27. Remodel my bathroom to have one of those enormous 2 person bath tubs.
28. Fall in love with my husband over and over and over again.
29. See my kids fall in love
30. Meet some grandchildren.