You. Are. SOOOOOOOOOOO. Embarrassing.

I knew this day was coming.  One day my little girl who used to look up at me with such admiration and awe would see me an roll her eyes and be mortified.  What I DIDN'T know was that I would become this giant loser by the time she was only 8. 
Lucky for me there are still glimmers of her being impressed by me.  Like when the girls in her 3rd grade class begged her to have me (ME!!) be a chaperone on a field trip because I look like a COOL mom and have pink hair.  (I'm COOL, people!)

But then the next day as I pull up to the curb in front of the school with the radio blasting and I'm belting out the lyrics enthusiastically she suddenly finds me horrifyingly embarrassing.  I totally don't get it.  Maybe it was the bright yellow and green St. Patricks Day pajamas I was still sporting? 

So I am resigned to the idea that I have entered full time dorkdome in the eyes of my pre-pre-teen.  So I might as well embrace it.  My ideas include but are not limited to:

1.  Dancing disco as I blare Justin Bieber in my car when I pick her up from school and shouting - "I've got the Bieber Fever!"  Maybe I can get a bumper sticker too....

2.  As she leaves for school I can ask her, loudly, if she remembered to put on clean underwear?

3.  While talking with her friends I can play with her hair and ask her if she'd like pigtails again like she wore on Saturday and I can put big pink bows in it too!

4.  Wear nothing but bunny slippers and duckie pajamas whenever her friends are around.

Hmmmm...any other juicy ideas out there?

Now take a look at these...really...embarrassing is in the genes.

Ok, so maybe it's a little more obvious in me.  Poor girl.

Randoms

We spent the weekend trying to survive Pukefest 2010 in the Ginger household.  We tried to take out the entire neighborhood with our creepy crud - and managed a couple friends.  But since  we have no neighbors and live a deserted GHETTO we only reached out and touched a few.  Poor Boo spent his 4th birthday in the ER.  Nothing says happy birthday  like squirting out both ends. 


Today Savannah came home from school with a tummy ache.  Mean heartless mommy that I am, told the assistant nurse that I thought she was faking it.  She did not seem amused.  So I went to get the little faker from school who had plastered the obligitory sad sad sicky pout on her face.  The head nurse was in the office by then.  She nodded at me with a knowing look on her face.  She's got Red's number.  "I didn't call you."  We have an understanding.  "Oh I know..." I said.  Here at home she is delightfully skipping around and singing.  Another point for team Red.


On another note, she decided to take a bath.  With tons and tons of bubbles.  I walked by and she had covered her head and face with bubbles to look grey haired and bearded.  She shouted out as I walked by, "I am George Washington's Wife!"  I am sure Martha is looking down on us and appreciating us so so very much.

Red-Isms

My parents visited us from the mainland.  And...shocker...Dan spent most of their 2 weeks here traveling or out to sea etc.  So for much of their visit they slept in my room and I roomied up with Red.  She was sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor and me in her bed.  As we were getting ready for bed one night,  I offered to  sleep on the couch in the living room so Red could have her own bed.

"No mom, you need to know what it is like to not have a TV in your room."

Does CPS remove children from homes for such deprivation?

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GingersMom:  Red, if you get any more beautiful the boys are gonna come after you and you'll have to beat them off with sticks.

Red:  YES!!!!

GingersMom:  Yes to the boys a'comin or yes to the sticks?

Red:  Both!!!

_____________________________________________________________________________

Yesterday I was sitting mindlessly like tub of jello (As per usual), the kids outside playing when I heard Savannah shouting:

LINUS IS HAVING BABIES!!!  LOOK HE'S HAVING A BABY!

One might become alarmed to learn their neutered male dog is giving birth.  However, as one wise friend once told me...denial is key.  The best parenting advice ever...just pretend it's not happening.

Strange Hawaiian things #1

There are a number of things I have observed in Hawaii that has one scratching their head and saying "WTF?"

Red went on a field trip with her first grade class. As usual, I had to sign a permission form. Along with it is a list of instructions.

1. Bring a lunch in a bag that may be thrown out.
2. Be to school ON TIME
3. Footwear is required

Since when is footwear optional? Is this a Hawaiian thing? Can I send my kids to school with no shoes? It would definitely lower my monthly clothing budget for the kids. Especially for Red who destroys her shoes in a single bound. Or she begs begs begs me to buy her a particular pair of shoes. She PROMISES they are comfortable...she will wear them everyday. She simply cannot LIVE...WITHOUT...THESE...SHOES.

Where are the shoes? In the bottom of the closet only worn once before Red had complete toxic meltdown about how they were SO horrible and PAINFUL. And if I make her wear them it will damage her feet for life and she will need crutches to hobble herself to school....maybe even a wheelchair.

So here I am thinking...footwear optional. Not a bad idea.

The Cross

On the way home from preschool the other day, Red picked up an art project that Stinky made that was covered with all different shapes. She was pointing the shapes and colors out:

Red: There's a circle, and a square, and a triangle...and that thing God gets up on, and a rectangle and an oval...

?????

GingersMom: What did you just say?

Red: An oval!

GingersMom: No, this one (pointing at the specified object)

Red: (Rolling her eyes and completely blase) You know... that's the thing that God gets up on. Then he dies for our skins.

How Much Longer????

I am counting down the days...hours...minutes...until the kids go back to school. I am giddy. Positively dancing with glee knowing that in a week, they will be back at school where they belong. Out of my hair! No more grocery shopping with all 3 kids, no more whining and bickering from the hours of 7:30 and 2:30!!!! Yeah!!!! I am a happy woman. Well...I will be. Come next Tuesday.

As for now, that is another story. Let me give you a small glimpse into what my summer has been like:

Yesterday I took the boys to get a haircut - photo to follow soon. Afterwards I decided to take them next door to the shoe store even though I was already overwrought. Stupid mommy moment.

I proceed to have the kids measured. All 3 have outgrown their shoes at once. Damn. I just bought new shoes LAST month. Of course they have nothing for the boys in their sizes so while I am trying shoes on Red, the boys begin to trash the joint. Shoes everywhere. Stinky actually started trying to tear down the racks of shoes. I was purple with frustration.

Temper tantrums in abundance!

Boo started having a fit because he found Lightning McQueen shoes 4 sizes too big and wanted them. Stinky laid on the floor in the checkout line and screamed.

Then he stood up, took off all his clothes except his shorts, threw them at me and proceeded to run about the store shrieking and laughing. I could NOT catch them. People pointed and laughed. Encouraged them even! As I ran and shouted and looked like an idiot who never should have been appointed children.

Red stood on the sidelines and coached them. "She's coming!!!" She would shout to them. And the giggles would head off in another direction.

I grabbed her and hollered like a lunatic at her as people tsk tsked at me for losing it.

Finally I was able to capture the littlest one and made Red hold him down.

I eventually caught Stinky and ranted all the way to the car about the beating to follow.

Thank you Jesus that summer is coming to a close. Can we skip this next year??

Another Day at the Office

As I was cooking dinner once night, Red looks at me and says,

"Mommy, when I grow up....I don't want to be a mommy."

A little hurt, but curious I ask her why.

"Mommys work ALLLLLL the time. They cook, they clean they do laundry, dishes....."

So proud and smiling, I say

"That's true, but I love you."

Red sits and ponders for a while.

"Daddies.....they don't do anything!"

Sprouting

My kids are growing too fast. I hear it is an epidemic. Little ones going to bed one night and waking up full grown. It seems to be happening in our house. And oh how, most days, I really hate it.

Red is in her last week of Kindergarten. Soon she will be a first grader and in REAL school. School where they hunt you down and arrest you for not taking them kind of school. As if that wasn't bad enough, she has to go and lose her first tooth. Which was a wild ride of drama.
She came home from school and decided to eat a tortilla. Next thing you know she comes tearing into the room screaming and blood all over her face and the unsuspecting tortilla. Lots of screaming and begging not to touch it later, out pops a little baby tooth. So small and kind of disgusting. I remember that tooth growing in. I remember that tooth biting me and drawing blood while breastfeeding. I remember the sleepless nights because of that tooth. And still, I am sad to see it gone. And that little gap sitting in front is another reminder that I may wake up tomorrow and Red will be off in college.

On the other end of the spectrum we have little Boo who is well on his way of potty training. I can't imagine a life without diapers and a huge box of Kirkland brand wipes. I wouldn't even know how to clean half the messes in my house without those handy wipes. But here he is my littlest hooligan maneuvering his way through toddlerhood at an amazing speed while I just stand by and watch. However do you stop this? My once very quiet little baby is jabbering non stop and says new things every day. I can't believe how much he is talking now. How I miss the baby days that are becoming non-existent in our house. Another chapter creaking closed as I watch teary eyed.

At night as I tuck Red, Stinky and Boo into bed I tickle them and beg them to stop growing. JUST STOP!

Red puts her not so chubby little hands on my face and says, "I have to mom. I know you don't want me to, but I just have to grow up."

It's just too fast, love.

Giggles

This morning my 5 and 3 year olds and I were discussing bad dreams and monsters. A big concern in our house these days. We sing the Veggie Tale's song "God is bigger than the Boogie Man" song and it usually eases their little minds. Then I remind them that Jesus is in their hearts and always with them so they don't need to be scared.

Red: But mom, Jesus isn't bigger than the Boogie Man and the Monsters. (looking scared)

Mom: Well, honey, Jesus IS God. So of course he is bigger than the Boogie Man.

Red: (Giggling) Oh, I didn't know that. I just thought they work together.

Stinky: Jesus is bigger. But I am stronger than the monsters. I know the Kung Fu.

The pretty one

Dan and I had our first parent-teacher conference yesterday. We went in nervous. Kinda like being sent to the principal's office. I felt on the edge of my seat as though I was abou.t to be evaluated on my parenting by a "professional". Thank goodness, Red's teacher is a blessing from heaven and a complete doll.

We chatted like old friends. Rolled our eyes together at Red's crazy antics.

Basically we found out Red like to talk. Shocked anyone?

Also, to Dan's dismay she informed us that Red's biggest problem is she is pretty. So pretty in fact, all the boys love her and beg to sit with her. This will be her biggest challenge in school. She bats her eyes and cocks her head in that oh so coy way she has and poof....she gets her way.

Damn. I wish that had been my problem.

Lucky litte redhead.

Whirlwind

My life has been nutty busy lately. I am still alive. Unfortunately it has left me with such little time to blog. My kids, my business, my husband's crazy work and school scedule - YIKES!

Good news: I was promoted to District Manager with Arbonne last month. Yeah! I am having such a good time with my new business and it was a nice reward for all my hard work.

Bad News: Stinky has been just that....a stinker lately. His tantrums are rearing their ugly head again. Much crying self to sleep...me that is. He is such a good boy but so emotional. Sometimes I think I am the world's crappiest mom. But I try...so I guess that is something.

Other news: My little Red is not so little anymore. She had her big #5 birthday last weekend. We did the party at a place called Kidsville. They did everything for me and I went home to a house that was only messy because I am terrible housekeeper, not because I had a party there.
Red was happy and spoiled and nasty to her brother. All in all, a typical 5th birthday.

Some highlighted gifts for you children of the 80s:

A cool PINK flat screen Lite Brite! (Thank you Uncle D and Auntie C)

and

An alternative to the classic Easy Bake Oven. (Thank you Uncle K and Tia)

It's like being 5 all over again!

As much fun for me as Red.

I gotta go bake a mini cake now. It will taste like a brick, but what the hell.

New Beginnings

I've been lazy about blogging lately. All my free time has gone from being an internet junkie to keeping busy with the new business. I sure am loving it though. I feel like I have something of my own...I am contributing to my family in a way that I haven't been able to do in a long while...and I am really having fun.

In other news, my little Red Beast is having her final day of preschool this week. She will have 2 weeks off and then off the kindergarten. My eyes well up every time I think of it. How am I grown up enough to have an elementary school kid?? When did that happen?

So this week is full of shopping for school supplies, new shoes the whole works. Dan is silently staring at his empty wallet trying not to grimace. But it should be fun. I LOVED shopping for school stuff. I hated the school part, but the new shoes and clothes and a fresh box of Crayolas? Hell yeah!

I remember being in first grade and I had my first pencil and used it until it was down to a tiny little nub because I was too scared and embarrassed to use the pencil sharpener. Introvert? You think?

What do you remember about starting school?

Little Treasures

Stinky and I were playing the name game. Can you guess the first name of your relatives. (Poppa's name, Grandma's name, Daddy's name etc.)

Gingers Mom: Stinky, what is mommy's name?

Stinky: Mommy.

GM: That's right. But what is my real name?

Stinky: Oh yeah....The Boss.

The other day Red climbed up on me for a cuddle. She laid her head down on my chest and was quiet for a long while.

Red: Mommy, your heart is going tap...tap...tap...

(she taps on my chest)

GM: That's right. My heart is pumping blood through my body and that is the sound it makes.

She ponders that for a moment.

Red: No...I think Jesus is trying to get out.

A big hug from the universe

Silly Gingers Mom. I had to run into the commissary because my FIL is coming over for dinner tonight and I have no food. I figured, I only need a few things so how bad could it be with all three kids. Bwahahahah!

First off, I had to wake Stinky up from his nap. Much screaming ensued.

He actually flung himself into the street and laid down in front of a car in the parking lot. Many glares and shocked "Oh my's".

I get into the store and while the three of them are doing their best to give me a coronary, some old man walks up to me and says, "I saw you playing with those kids in the parking lot. Why not have 3 more?"

Withering smile, I reply, "Oh I think we are done now"

Old man, "Yeah...I should hope so..."

I clamp my mouth shut seeing as he is an old man and I do have my little kids with me.

Thoughts running through Gingers Mom's head:

1. Well, my son is 2 1/2. What is your excuse for being an asshole?
2. Yes, I am sure you are the one person on earth other than Mary who had perfect children. I am sure there is a throne waiting for them right next to Jesus.
3. F.U.


Moving on, I had another "proud to be their momma" moment in the frozen foods aisle. I was looking around for ice cream for my husband....even though I am still on WW.... and I hear Red yelling....LOUDLY...

"Hey look...COCKSUCKERS!"

Not once, not twice but several times.

I turn around, white faced. She is staring at the Popsicles. Everyone else is staring at me. I thought about taking a bow.

Gingers Mom. Reigning champion of the unruly potty mouths. Thank you!

It is a thankless job....

Stinky: Mommy, you're naughty.

Red Beast: Yeah, mommy, you're naughty...and you're in JAIL!

Gingers Mom: I am naughty? What did I do? Who put me in jail?

RB: Stinky and I are the police and we had to lock you away. You are BAD!

Stinky: Naughty naughty naughty Bwahahahahahah!

RB: You hit people!

Gingers Mom: (eyes darting about nervously) I hit people?

RB: You are an evil ugly monster that kills everybody.


Yeah... I definitely have my days. I'm wondering if my kids have been reading my mind... Ah hell, it's probably just the PMS.

Just Bragging...

Gasp!!! Could that be a smile on my 2 year old's face??

Yep it is. And a contagious smile at that....

Brady curious about the pretty flowers. Do they taste good??

No they do not!!

Bashful Red posing...

Not so bashful, shakin' it loose.

Now I have seen everything

I don't know whether to be appalled or proud that my daughter thinks this is the ultimate in cool. See for yourselves....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58r0hHgjWLs

Beacause picking up real life dog crap just isn't fun enough....

Possibilities

One of the following happened yesterday that kept me from doing a Valentine's Day blog:

1. In my old age, I simply forgot.

2. I was swept away in an endless romance and could not make it to the computer through the piles of candy and flowers sent to me by countless lovers.

3. I spent the day covered in sugar, flour and children making cookies and candies. Then fell asleep with pink icing on the corner of my mouth so as to entice my husband with my ratty t-shirt and stained jeans and slippers.

Remember when Valentine's Day was actually romantic spent doing wonderful things like candlelit dinners, moonlight walks, slow dancing, romantic getaways? Maybe if I put romance on my day planner...(***Kristin, remember to be romantic tonight....take a shower at least, put on underwear that is not reminiscent of your grandmother)

In all honesty, in all the chaos we had a nice day. The kids had a great time making heart shaped cookies with me...licking the knife with every swipe of icing. (Remind me not to share these cookies with anyone...) Dan gave me a really thoughtful and ROMANTIC! gift. It was a really pretty journal with all kinds of sweet notes to me in it. I absolutely loved it.

Savannah made me a card at school, but then decided to give it to someone else. Hmph.

I also got a wonderful surprise in the mail from Carly. She sent me a birthday gift. It made my day. I wish my camera had batteries so that I could have taken a picture. It was a lovely card, an Aquarius magnet, and a chic lit book by Jennifer Weiner which I can't wait to read. Thanks, Carly!!

All in all a nice Valentine's Day. Even if we did just go to bed and watch TV. If you can't be away at some romantic hotel, being at home cuddled up in bed with some kiddie saliva cookies that were made with love ain't so bad.

Saturday Morning

It's a lazy Saturday morning. My eyes slide open just the tiniest bit and see the bright morning sun filtering in through the slats in the blind. Ah...morning. Oooh...better yet....no kids are in bed with us for once. I slide my foot over and rub my hubby's leg. Already it is a beautiful day. Hubby rolls over and and has a sly grin. He throws his arm over me and pulls me close for a lingering kiss. "Good Moooorning..." he says suggestively. I sigh, basking in the wonderful morning we are having...alone...then giggle flirtatiously and snuggle tighter.

Then I feel it. The tell tale shaking of the bed....and no, we're not doing it.

It's a child. Coming to get us. Suddenly, a Dora pantied bottom plops down on our HEADS. "Hey! That's my spot. Make room!" Red says as she shimmies her way in between our bodies. So much for romance.

"Let's watch Dora! Isn't that a great idea?" Red suggests.

"I had a better idea, " I mumble under my breath. Our plans foiled yet again.

I should just appreciate it. She's the best birth control we got.

Elusive Sleep

Sleep. Where art thou sleep? What is it about children that requires them to sap every ounce of energy that you have so that by the time 7:30pm rolls around you have been reduced to a shrieking banshee that no one recognizes? 7:30 is my favorite time of day. It is the time when all people under 4 ft tall go to bed and leave me to become a human being again. There are a few blissful hours filled with novels, and television shows, cuddling with my husband and eating snacks forbidden to the little ones. Those are beautiful moments that I treasure. My husband suddenly staring at me as if to say...hey....I remember you...the woman that I married...where have you been? The 2 horned mommy beast has melted away and at last I am me again.
Then the lights go out and I am convinced that the kids have had some big pow wow about who is going to keep mommy awake tonight. If it isn't the Red one screaming with a bad dream, then it is the Stinky one who needs water and has tossed his blankets off the bed, and it never fails that Boo wants nurse until I am as dehydrated as the desert. How do they know who's turn it is to drive me crazy at night? I have not slept through the night in about 5 years. WTF?
I got a real treat today and was awoken by them all by about 5:30am. Little hooligans.

Just when I am about to write them off and sell them on ebay, Boo says his first word (Hi) and melts my heart. I see Red and Stinky on the playground at school holding hands and taking care of each other. These kids are ok I guess. I think I'll keep em.

Gingers Mom: Red, you are the best little girl in the whole world.

Red (her eyese swelling with love and hugging me SO tight): Mommy, you are the BIGGEST girl in the whole world.

True how true. Now, where did I put that cookie?