Issues

My family likes to say that I have so many "issues" that I'm an entire magazine rack. Whatever. I just like things the way I like them. We all have weird issues about one thing or another. I don't really think mine are all that out of the ordinary, so here I will share them with you and you can decide.
1. Mayonnaise in any form disturbs me. If I am served a sandwich or burger that has it on there - it must be sent back. Scraping it off will not do - it has been tainted. It is the most disgusting, gelatinous goo that should be banned from coming within 10 feet of any edible substance. Ew.
2. Birds of Paradise - the flower. They freak me out. I swear that they are looking at me and if I walk too close to one of them, I swear it will get me and peck my eyes out. My mother in law LOVES them and always seems to have them at the dinner table when I come over, right next to my seat. Coincidence? I think not.
3. Bananas. They are horrible and the odor alone just may kill me. I can sense their presence in any food and would rather die than consume one. When we have fondue I have a rule that anyone sharing the pot must take a spoon and drizzle the chocolate on the banana rather than dip it in the fondue or it taints the entire thing. I know I love my children simply because I have peeled one for them and actually survived.
4. Bed sheets. They must be tucked in at all times. My husband LOVES to pull them out at the end of the bed, he is a maniac in his sleep. I can always tell when they are coming out from under the mattress and it stresses me out. I won't be able to sleep, just laying there envisioning the sheets slipping further and further out. Dan thinks that I am insane when I wake him from a deep sleep and demand that he get up and tuck them back in. He promised to love me in sickness and in health - this is my sickness.
Now I don't think these are so off the wall. And yes, I know I have more issues than this. But that is all you get for now. Whether you want to admit it or not, you have issues of your own. My husband won't have a garage sale because then people will know what kind of stuff we own. My mom hates it when kids break crayons. My friend Shana has a spaz when people wear navy blue and black together. Those are weird too. It's not just me.