The last 6 months have been a journey for me. I look back to last summer or so and see the way my life was and look at it now and in many ways I barely recognize where I was. For me, the fall brought about some pretty dark days. Some of you know the trials I have had to face with my middle born. For those of you who don't, I was in the midst of a very steep downward spiral with him. I would say that he was living up to his nickname, Stinky, but that barely scratches the surface.
My little man has so many wonderful, charming qualities. His startling blue eyes and round chubby cheeks make me melt. His soft, sweet voice begging my attention just one more time before I turn his light out at night. "You look pretty, mommy..." - at least 10 times a day. The qualities I've always known that are there...I could see those sparks of the tenderhearted man that I know he will become even when our troubles were at their worst. That is the coolest thing about motherhood - looking at your kids and always have the ability to see to the heart of them - the person they WILL become, the person you are hoping to mold them to be. And then on your knees in desperation, praying you don't mess it up.
Little Stinky put me through the wringer. No doubt about it. I'll probably continue to share more as I distance myself from the experience. But for now, I am happy to say that the clouds have begun to clear.
I've taken a long breather from Arbonne. As much as I loved it, my focus HAD to be on my son. And that took every ounce of my being and then a little bit more. As I am gaining emotional strength, I am considering my future there and not sure what I feel.
I look back to last summer and see someone desperately lonely. And today I can say, that really isn't true. I have had a burst of new friendships that have done wonders for me. I feel happier, more fulfilled. It is amazing what companionship can do for a drowning soul. I feel content with my life in a way that I have not felt in quite a while. Sometimes friendships just touch you in such a profound way you feel as though it is bigger than you somehow. Does that make sense?
I have been going to a Bible study every other Thursday night with them, which has been good for me. As much as I TRULY, WHOLEHEARTEDLY believe in my faith, I had become stagnant. Somehow, these new friendships have brought about a new "interest", or passion in my feelings and relationship with Christ.
We do playdates once or twice a week, we help each other with childcare. All the things friends do for each other - but I had somehow been missing in my life for a while. It has made me realize how the smallest things we do, can affect eachother so profoundly. And if we dig deep and look to Someone much greater, the help can found.