Friday, October 23, 2009

Memories: They're Not What They Used to Be

Motherhood is not what I expected. I had a great childhood. One of those dreamy little lives that seemed akin the Cleavers. Granted, I have realized that people tend to remember things very different than their parents. I have sweet memories of decorating Christmas cookies with my brothers. My mom remembers the annual Schmidt family brawl. I remember going to my grandparents house for "Grandma-palooza" in the summer while my parents stayed home. I thought that they were so sad missing it all. Little did I know that they were having their own palooza of different kind. We both looked forward to it equally (Ok, let's be honest, they probably looked forward to it more than us) but saw things in very different perspectives.

So each day as I am serving the kids dinner, threatening their lives, giving them a bath, breaking up a fight, tucking them into bed, and teetering on the edge of my sanity as I look down at my wet, tattered, dirty clothes and mussed up hear and the tick in my left eye......I wonder. Are they remembering this the same way? Will they remember amongst all the yelling and discipline and downright mental breakdown of their mother the good things I manage to squeeze in there? Like the extra squirt of bath bubbles I add just to make sure they have enough to share. Or the fact I stayed up an hour late to make sure the right t-shirt they wanted to wear to school the next day made it into the dryer. Or giving them just ONE more cookie because I like they way they smirk when they ask.

Will they eventually turn around and say, "Thanks for not killing me, Mom for...." pouring an entire bottle of strawberry syrup on your new carpet? For running on the driveway in the front yard in your underwear yelling at your brother? For making a trip to the grocery store seem like I needed war paint? For asking the lady in the line at the store if she farted?

I can only hope. Get on my knees every day and pray that the Lord will glaze over the memories and let them remember me as a calm, cool, collected mommy. Ok, so that isn't going to happen. But maybe if I scrape together enough spare change, I can manage to hire a therapist that will convince them one day that hey...Mom wasn't so bad. That is if I am not locked in a padded cell by then.

Labels: Kids, Motherhood

Gingers Mom at 10/23/2009 11:40:00 AM

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Thursday, May 21, 2009

Strange Hawaiian things #1

There are a number of things I have observed in Hawaii that has one scratching their head and saying "WTF?"

Red went on a field trip with her first grade class. As usual, I had to sign a permission form. Along with it is a list of instructions.

1. Bring a lunch in a bag that may be thrown out.
2. Be to school ON TIME
3. Footwear is required

Since when is footwear optional? Is this a Hawaiian thing? Can I send my kids to school with no shoes? It would definitely lower my monthly clothing budget for the kids. Especially for Red who destroys her shoes in a single bound. Or she begs begs begs me to buy her a particular pair of shoes. She PROMISES they are comfortable...she will wear them everyday. She simply cannot LIVE...WITHOUT...THESE...SHOES.

Where are the shoes? In the bottom of the closet only worn once before Red had complete toxic meltdown about how they were SO horrible and PAINFUL. And if I make her wear them it will damage her feet for life and she will need crutches to hobble herself to school....maybe even a wheelchair.

So here I am thinking...footwear optional. Not a bad idea.

Labels: hawaii, Motherhood, shoes, The Red Beast

Gingers Mom at 5/21/2009 11:33:00 AM

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Monday, May 18, 2009

Dogs v. children

Don't you just love it when some young new married person tells you they know exactly what you are going thru with your kid because...they have dogs?

You stand there in the middle of Walmart with your hair disheveled, clothes mussed up and a tick in your left eye...(because you have to admit your stupidity here: you came to Walmart with all three of your kids in tow) and dream about the the large blunt object you would like wield upon all the short loud people and then turn on the said idiotic new married person.

Yes. I can see how a little schnauzer could just bring you to your knees.

Dogs chew furniture, pee on the floor, maybe wake you up at night with their whining or scratching. They beg for food, needs baths on occasion and usually have bad smelling gas. Yes. These are all usually true and can be said for most children as well. I can see the similarity.

Talking back, sassing, lies, tattletales, hitting, spitting, stomping of the feet and turning blue in the face these are exactly why parenting is nothing like having a dog.

How many Labradors paint your dining table and chairs with Vagasil? How many chihuahuas squeeze an entire bottle of strawberry syrup on your newly laid living room carpet? How many chow chows yank off their poopy diaper and proceed to paint a lovely Picasso on your wall? When is the last time you saw a golden retriever ask a grocery clerk if they have "itchy itchy crabs"?

A whole world of adventure lies in wait for these young unsuspecting DINKS (double income no kids). I personally would like to pop a giant bowl of popcorn and have a nice glass of chardonnay (let's be honest here...a bottle) and sit back in an easy chair and watch when their first child is born and discovers the wonders of the bathroom medicine chest.

For now, I just smile and say..."Yes honey, dogs and kids are one and the same."

Labels: Family, Funny, Kids, Motherhood, WTF Moments

Gingers Mom at 5/18/2009 02:13:00 PM

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Wednesday, March 18, 2009

The Cross

On the way home from preschool the other day, Red picked up an art project that Stinky made that was covered with all different shapes. She was pointing the shapes and colors out:

Red: There's a circle, and a square, and a triangle...and that thing God gets up on, and a rectangle and an oval...

?????

GingersMom: What did you just say?

Red: An oval!

GingersMom: No, this one (pointing at the specified object)

Red: (Rolling her eyes and completely blase) You know... that's the thing that God gets up on. Then he dies for our skins.

Labels: Funny, The Red Beast

Gingers Mom at 3/18/2009 08:04:00 PM

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Tuesday, March 17, 2009

My Poor Dusty Blog

I have not forgotten you, poor mistreated blog. I have just been incredibly overwhelmed and busy that I have barely had time to remember to shower. Snifff...sniff...dangit. Maybe that is why I haven't seen my friends lately... Hmmmmmmm.

We just got word that we have a house on base in Hawaii and we will be leaving good old sunny Cali April 15th. Hubs is already over there enjoying the surf and sun and getting things ready for us. In the meantime the kids are doing their best to conquer and destroy. As my dear friend warned me, when you are military gearing up to PCS (change duty stations) you must change your name to Murphy. Because everything that CAN go wrong WILL go wrong. So far the car has been in the shop 2 times in one week and the dryer broke. They say bad comes in threes so I am hoping it all stops here.... I am going to regret putting that in print...I just know it.

So I am cracking my knuckles and dusting off, good old bloggy blog. I plan to give it another good run. Too much damn ridiculous stuff happens in my life not to record it and amuse myself later on.

Gingers Mom at 3/17/2009 05:50:00 PM

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Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Observation

On an average Tuesday morning, just as expected my privacy was unapologetically disregarded by my two sons. Taking a selfish moment to you know...pee...Stinky and Boo come barging in and demand that I remove myself and let them go to the bathroom.

Boo goes first, Stinky stands back and pouts. Of course.

I sit Boo up on the potty and he claps in complete glee and satisfaction with himself as he pees on the potty. Stinky looks at him and says in a high ptiched baby cooing kind of voice and says:

"Oh, look at his teeny tiny pee pee!!"

I rolled my eyes. "Of course it is little, he's just a baby."

Thinking about it...I added "You know yours is little too." I snickered inside....yes I know that probaby puts me on Santa's naughty list for motherhood but I couldn't help it.

Stinky looks down, puffs out his chest and says in a loud deep voice. "No way...mine is REALLY BIG!!!"

And so the delusions begin. At the age of 4.

Labels: boys

Gingers Mom at 12/09/2008 08:44:00 AM

7comments

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Update

My creative juices have dried up. My children have sucked every semi intelligent and witty thought from my brain and fed it to the dog. At least that is my theory. Either that or those brilliant and pithy ideas have ended up in the same place as all the missing socks.

If anyone happens to know where they can be found, you have hit the jackpot.

My husband does not believe me that the dryer eats the socks. But he is wrong. I know it. I believe that my dryer has gotten tired of cotton socks and has turned carnivorous. It now feasts on my brain as I do endless load of laundry.

Beware. Laundry WILL destroy your brain cells. That is reason enough for me to avoid it.

______________________________________________________________


We are in the process of packing up our house for the big move. We don't leave for Hawaii until March. But we have rented out our house and will be living with my parents for the next 4 months.

My kids are thrilled. It is similar to being told that you will be living at Disneyland. With endless cookies and bowls of candy.

They dream of dinners consisting of nothing but olives and marshmallows.

I am pretty sure that they are disappointed that Dan and I are actually going to be living there too.

We are the destroyers of all joy.

Bound and determined to taint their Grandma and Poppa - palooza.

I fear for our safety. They are going to be evil greedy over sugared monsters by the end. Have pity on me.

Labels: Kids, Motherhood, moving

Gingers Mom at 11/25/2008 09:36:00 PM

2comments

Sunday, October 12, 2008

The Curse Of Sedona

WARNING: DISGUSTING STORY LIES AHEAD....


When I graduated high school my parents took me on a vacation to Sedona, AZ before heading off to college. We stayed in a beautiful condo, had a great time together. And then the curse of Sedona hit. My dad stepped off of a sidewalk - walking normally - and broke his foot. We spent hours at the ER exraying, getting a cast and helping hobbling dad into the car.
Next thing you know, the night before leaving Sedona and heading to L.A. for my college orientation. We all come down with the stomach flu. Puking galore. Since I absolutely had to be in LA in 2 days we packed the car - sick and all and headed towards California. In my Toyota Tercel. In 125 degree weather. With no air conditioning. And black vinyl seats. With the stomach flu.

I am still scarred by this memory.

Fast forward 13 years. My dear friend Rachel got married about a week ago and Red was her flower girl. Choice of destination: Sedona. Don't get me wrong. Sedona is gorgeous. The red rock is stunning and something worth seeing. Unless you have been touched with the Curse.

On the drive out (I carpooled with my kids and my parents) we stopped un Yuma for Dairy Queen. DQ - a road trip MUST, yeah for Dilly Bars. As we are standing in line I notice that Boo has spit up. So I started to walk towards the bathroom to clean it up. When he does it again. By the time we get into the bathroom he has become the Exorcist baby. It is everywhere. I am not exaggerating when I say EVERY surface of the bathroom is covered. The floor, the walls, the toilet, the sink, my entire body and his. Even our shoes. It was bad my friends.

My mom popped her head in to check on us and was horrified. The Curse....

After that we had a pretty quiet vacation. We swam, saw a movie, celebrated Red's 6th birthday, enjoyed the wedding. Until the last day of our trip. It hits.

Vincent wakes up puking. Then Brady gets it too (again). We decided to stay an extra day so that we could avoid car vomit. But who should start the whole thing again on the drive home? Red.

I have seen more puke in the last week to last me a life time. At least we made it back with no broken bones. But Sedona is on my list of places NEVER to step foot in again.

Dear Sedona: Message received.

Labels: ew

Gingers Mom at 10/12/2008 08:42:00 AM

4comments

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Life is a Tornado

Life as of late has been a wild, massive tornado. Everywhere I look there is twisting, turning, nauseating change and turmoil.

Some of the changes are good. Red has started first grade. Woot woot! Yeah for school!!! Stinky is in a new class at Preschool and is rocking it. His teachers actually seek us out to tell us how well behaved he has been. Never had THAT happen before.

The latest big shock wave is that we received our orders FINALLY. And we are moving to Hawaii. Go ahead...be jealous. Let the envy wash over you.

Done?

OK. So for most people the news sound WONDERFUL. Which on many levels it is. Lovely beaches, perfect weather, a "two year vacation on the Navy's dime." Right? And those are great things, don't get me wrong. But the actual logistics of it all? Horrendous.

Moving 3 kids and 2 dogs is going to be the death of me. The schools are terrible. There is a 6 month long process to get the dogs over there. Ubu our black lab is currently too fat to fly...seriously. So we are going on a diet.

The housing wait is 6+ months long. We could live in a hotel forever.

My bitching fest could go on forever, so I will pause. Not stop....pause. So be prepared for more whining and complaining in future posts.

I have been so distracted by the orders that I have been unable to maintain my blog but hope to catch up here now that I have a little more stability in my life.

The hardest and saddest part to me is leaving my family. (Dan's family???? SIONARA!!!!) The thought of taking my kids away from their grandparents is very slowly fracturing the very heart of me. I am so jealous of their relationship with Grandma and Poppa. Living a mile away and running over for "sneak attack" hugs and kisses, just to say goodnight. My kids have no idea the change that is ahead. And my very core aches at the thought. We are a close family and there is an incredibly tight bond there. So I know the next two years will be hard, but the relationship will remain close. But in the meantime, the change for us is going to be drastic. And I dread it.

But everyday I wake up, take a deep breath, put my head down and move forward into a new, unknown adventure for our future. It should be an interesting ride. Aloha.

Labels: Family, hawaii, Kids, News

Gingers Mom at 9/02/2008 10:51:00 AM

9comments

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

How Much Longer????

I am counting down the days...hours...minutes...until the kids go back to school. I am giddy. Positively dancing with glee knowing that in a week, they will be back at school where they belong. Out of my hair! No more grocery shopping with all 3 kids, no more whining and bickering from the hours of 7:30 and 2:30!!!! Yeah!!!! I am a happy woman. Well...I will be. Come next Tuesday.

As for now, that is another story. Let me give you a small glimpse into what my summer has been like:

Yesterday I took the boys to get a haircut - photo to follow soon. Afterwards I decided to take them next door to the shoe store even though I was already overwrought. Stupid mommy moment.

I proceed to have the kids measured. All 3 have outgrown their shoes at once. Damn. I just bought new shoes LAST month. Of course they have nothing for the boys in their sizes so while I am trying shoes on Red, the boys begin to trash the joint. Shoes everywhere. Stinky actually started trying to tear down the racks of shoes. I was purple with frustration.

Temper tantrums in abundance!

Boo started having a fit because he found Lightning McQueen shoes 4 sizes too big and wanted them. Stinky laid on the floor in the checkout line and screamed.

Then he stood up, took off all his clothes except his shorts, threw them at me and proceeded to run about the store shrieking and laughing. I could NOT catch them. People pointed and laughed. Encouraged them even! As I ran and shouted and looked like an idiot who never should have been appointed children.

Red stood on the sidelines and coached them. "She's coming!!!" She would shout to them. And the giggles would head off in another direction.

I grabbed her and hollered like a lunatic at her as people tsk tsked at me for losing it.

Finally I was able to capture the littlest one and made Red hold him down.

I eventually caught Stinky and ranted all the way to the car about the beating to follow.

Thank you Jesus that summer is coming to a close. Can we skip this next year??

Labels: Boo, Kids, Motherhood, Stinky, The Red Beast, WTF Moments

Gingers Mom at 8/26/2008 09:15:00 AM

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