I do not have a green thumb. Most plants that I own have a death wish. If I don't kill them myself, they commit suicide. It is unfortunate, but I keep trying to put flowers in my front yard. My latest attempt has been to plant bare root roses. I even saw a bloom!!
I am beaming with pride.
However, if there are any of you out there who exist that know even less about gardening than me, you need to know about snails. Snails eat flowers. My yard is the all you can eat buffet on our cul de sac. They come from miles around to eat MY flowers. I guess I should feel proud that I am that well known, but still....
So I put out snail bait. It attracts the little boogers out from my plants, they eat it delightfully and then they die. Kind of sizzle and turn into goo. Yes, it is gross but I find it morbidly satisfying. I have a snail graveyard in my garden now.
As I was putting out the snail bait yesterday I found something fascinating and disturbing. Everywhere I looked I saw Snail Sex. Yes...a veritable snail-sex-paloosa in my front yard. Bow Chicka Bow Wow! The Snail Inspiration Point of San Diego. Apparently my marigolds are a powerful aphrodisiac. There had to be at least half a dozen "couples". Ever seen snail sex? Kinda of like a traffic accident, grotesque and yet you can't look away.
I noticed while I was drizzling snail pellets all over the garden that one happened to fall right on top of one of the "busy" couples.
Who knew they didn't have to actually eat the poison?
This morning there is nothing left but their empty shells. I call them Romeo and Juliet. Who knew that the most sex and the most romance in my house was happening right beneath the rose bushes?