My love

Dear Sweet Double Chocolate Milano Cookie. Please stop calling my name from the pantry. I love, I want you, I need you too. My hormonal cravings make you more tempting than ever. Please don't lure me with your sweet seductive ways.

I'm in a relationship with carrot sticks and celery. They love me. They are good for me. Please don't try and come between us.

Oh, sweet Milano cookie, you are the one I want. My TRUE love.

I'll try to slip away later. When the kids are sleeping.... I'll sneak past the refrigerator quietly so the carrots and celery don't hear me and we can have one last liason. I'm coming my sweet sweet love.

Big News!

I have been so busy this week! I have some exciting news to share with you. I have decided to start a home business. Dan and I have been looking into several different opportunities and this one just fell into our lap. After alot of prayer and talking and debating we have decided to go full speed ahead and start my own Arbonne business.

I had never heard of Arbonne before a few months ago. My sister in law, Tiffany told me I just HAD to try Arbonne's skin care line because after 3 days of using it, one of her wrinkles was gone. I blew her off. Until the other day I met a woman by the name of MaryJane in line at the pool on the Marine base. We were both there to sign our kids up for swim lessons. She has twins who are the same age as Red and so we hit it off. She mentioned that her husband (a Marine) was retiring from the military and was pursuing a career in flying elsewhere. She briefly mentioned that she works from home too.

Anyway, after chatting and getting to one another a little, we decided to make a play date with our kids. The she hopped into her white Mercedes and drove off, leaving me wondering, if her husband is a Marine pilot like mine then HOW do the drive a Mercedes.

I pestered her for a while and learned all I could about what she does (Arbonne) and have decided to venture out in it as well. I won't pressure you to hear any more, but I just want to share with you my excitement. I'm gonna be busy in the next few weeks, so pray for me, cross your fingers for me and I'll share more with you as I learn more.

Little Treasures

Stinky and I were playing the name game. Can you guess the first name of your relatives. (Poppa's name, Grandma's name, Daddy's name etc.)

Gingers Mom: Stinky, what is mommy's name?

Stinky: Mommy.

GM: That's right. But what is my real name?

Stinky: Oh yeah....The Boss.

The other day Red climbed up on me for a cuddle. She laid her head down on my chest and was quiet for a long while.

Red: Mommy, your heart is going tap...tap...tap...

(she taps on my chest)

GM: That's right. My heart is pumping blood through my body and that is the sound it makes.

She ponders that for a moment.

Red: No...I think Jesus is trying to get out.

Two Introverts go to Kindergarten

Today, Dan took off work in the morning so that we could attend a class called "Jump Start to Literacy". It was a class for parents of incoming kindergartners and we were "strongly encouraged" to attend. Translated to: if you don't come we know your kid is a dum dum and we will keep her in kindergarten until she is 18. So we went.

There was alot of handouts and slides. I felt like I was back in school myself. I kept thinking about how uncomfortable my chair was and however did I make it through 17 years of school? Man am I glad it is my kids' turn and not me. Whew.

We learned alot about how to help Red learn how to read. The class was actually somewhat useful. Surprise. Armed with our new knowledge and confidence that our kid is a genius and we won't have to teach her anything because she will know how to read simply by carrying our super intelligent genes, we prepared to leave.

Alas, no we were not excused. We were then informed that the current kindergarten class would now come in and we get to use our newly learned techniques with these children....just to prove we were listening. Pop quiz for parenting??? This blows.

I love my kids. Adore them. Want to smother them with hugs and kisses kind of love. But kids....other kids freak me out. I don't know how to talk to them. I'm an introvert. It doesn't get turned off just because you are cute and small.

I looked at Dan. I don't want to do this. "You talk to it." He looks at me blankly. The smiling and timid little people are marched in and handed out to different parents. I keep hoping the kid will choose to sit next to Dan. He scooted over just in time for them to plop an adorable little girl with glasses right between us.

Nervously I look about. She looks smart. Good. Maybe she can teach us and we can just sit here and smile dumbly.

Which basically we did.

She sat down and we opened the book called Beach Things. We were supposed to just look at the pictures and talk about what we see. Before we could say anything, she starts flipping the pages and reading it so fast we couldn't get a word in edge wise. Silently I was relieved. She's so fast and smart I don't even have to think of anything to say.

At last, her teacher gathered her up and I heaved a sigh of relief. I lived to tell the tale of how I had to sit next to a kindergarten kid I don't know. And I used my uber-brilliance to help her read.

Good thing we have a genius like her at home. This is gonna be easy.

Irrational Fears

I have alot of irrational fears. Like my whole bird of paradise paranoia. I know that one is irrational. Or my fear of dairy nearing the expiration date. I have come to realize although icky, it might not actually kill me if I have a sip of milk that is going to expire one week from now.

However my irrational fears over bugs and rodents are live and well and currently living in my garage. Dan casually mentioned that he was going to run an errand over to his mother's house last night and encouraged me to forget about the laundry and just enjoy some quiet time. Instantly my suspicious hackles are up. Why are you going to your mother's house now?? Why should I relax?? He assured me all is well.

I sat there scowling most of that time, eyes darting about and conjuring up ideas of what MIL must have done NOW to cause my husband to dash over to her house in the dead of night. (OK, OK...it was 8pm...so it was the dead of dusk).

When Dan returned he was armed with rat poison. R-A-T poison. I almost vomited. Where are they? Where are they? WHERE ARE THEY???

Dan thinks they are in the crawl space above the garage. Ick. I feel like my skin is crawling. Dan actually had the nerve to balk when I told him I am no longer parking in the garage until the vermin are gone. Blech!

My loving husband kept making jokes about hearing the rats in the ceiling and making scratching sounds. I had nightmares all last night. I just know they are coming to get me. I just KNOW it. I kept dreaming that they ate my baby. They do that you know. People keep laughing at me when I say that, but it's true.

This morning I had to open the garage door to get the stroller out before I left to run my errands and drop the kids off at school. As I was grabbing the single stroller I realized my double stroller had been chewed on. CHEWED I said. I started screaming for second and then realize my kids are watching. I turned my back to them and bit my hand so as not to wail uncontrollably.

After dropping of my kids at school, Boo and I made a trip over to Home Depot to gather us some extra rat killing apparatus. I felt that skin crawling sensation just being in that aisle of store. The rats know I am here and are going to get angry. I was standing there looking bewildered and terrified when a clerk walked up and offered help. He only needed to say "breeding season" one time before I got woozy and almost passed out on the floor. He handed me some rat traps and walked away quickly.

I hope to GOD these things are gone soon. My husband would like his semi-sane wife back too I am sure. For now neurotic, twitchy, jumpy Gingers Mom has taken over.

What are your irrational fears?

My husband has been scolding me for not tooting my own horn lately. So I promised to announce on my blog that I have not only made my Weight Watchers goal, but I acutally have maintained it for 6 weeks and have earned the highly coveted honor of Lifetime Member. Da da da da!!! I lost a total of about 20 lbs. Actually 30lbs since this time last year. I even got my nifty little keychain and the super cool goal star and Lifetime key. I know you are jealous. I know you are sitting there in your computer chair wishing you knew where I live so you could sneak in and steal my little treasures. But alas, they are mine. I worked my ass of for them...literally. Now I only have one ass instead of 2.

I don't know why I feel weird about announcing my success. I guess it has to do with the fact that I still look in the mirror and see so much I wish I could change. Is any woman ever completely satisfied with her body? I could work out non stop and eat nothing but salad and still be stuck with my post-partum sharpei (as my dear fellow blogger Oh the Joys has so eloquently named it) jiggling over my bikini underwear. I've had 3 babies and those jiggles are here to stay.

I do plan on taking a decent picture of myself and do a before and after picture just to see if we can all tell the difference. Sometimes I don't know if I really see one. My husband doesn't GROAN when I sit on his lap anymore though. I guess that is a good sign.

Where has my cleavage gone...oh yeah...in the backseat

During our travels in the great northwest, I found myself speeding faster and faster down the freeway. It could have something with the "Stop touching me! Stop touching me!" coming from the hooligans in the backseat.

I really wasn't going that fast....only 76 in a 60 zone. Who can blame me after days of being trapped in a metal tube with the whining and the hitting and the complaining? I just wanted to get there and get out of the car. Out of the corner of my eye I see a black and white blur as I whiz past. Damn.

I do a half-hearted tap on the breaks and skip out of the carpool lane to blend into traffic. (in my dirty maroon minivan with Colorado license plates) Alas, the Everett police are too wise for my tricks and next thing I know flashing lights are behind me. Ah, I better get out of the way so he can go and get the bad guys he must be after. So I pull over another lane. Funny how he keeps following me. All the way over to the side of the road. Damn. I'm the bad guy.

Dan looks over at me and says, "Quick, pull your shirt down and show your boobs!"

I look at him. My shirt with a MacDonalds grease stain, my unkempt road trip hair and my face without make-up....then I glance in the backseat at all 3 kids who are now screaming.

"You think that's gonna work, eh?" If this ain't sexy I don't know what is.

The ticket was for $130.