My Mom

This past weekend my mom celebrated her XX birthday. (Out of respect for my mother and fear of a tanned hide I have removed the actual age.) Mom tries occasionally to hide the fact that she loves her birthday (Oh, let's not do anything this year....I don't want any presents....) but it is a sham. She is just like me, giddy as a school girl about her birthday. She likes her family to be around, she likes the cake (chocolate right?) she loves pretty wrapping paper and she likes the hulabaloo.

So in honor of this wonderful woman's birthday I thought I would share a little bit with you about my mother.

1. She laughs when I say this, but I SWEAR anytime I had a craving for some homemade chocolate chip cookies they seemed to magically appear in the oven when I got home from school.

2. When boy broke my heart, we went shopping and she bought me new clothes. It's true a brand new pair of shoes CAN mend a broken heart...

3. When I was a teenager and had terrible self-esteem she MADE me look in the mirror every day and say "I like myself". Which actually horrified me and I am still a little bitter about, but hey, it worked.

4. She never felt growing up that she had nice clothes so she always made sure I was dressed fashionably. And I was. And so are my kids. From NO doing of my own. And much to the dismay of my father and his bank account.

5. She would sometimes send me encouraging notes in my lunch box to school. (You are very special and I love you. Love, Mom) I wish I had kept them so I could read them again on a crappy day. But instead I just pick up the phone and she knows instantly from the way I say "hi" that something is wrong.

6. She taught me to dream big, to go to college, learn about life, have a career. When it came down to it, the career I chose was the same as hers...being a mom. And I know that she respects me for it.

7. When I was a freshman in college and was talking about getting married (to the WRONG guy), she never freaked out and tried talking me out of it. Even though she desperately wanted to. She asked me questions, talked when I wanted to and waited patiently. I'm not sure how she managed to hold her tongue. But it taught me alot about being a mother.

8. When I talked about marrying the RIGHT guy, she jumped in with both feet and planned my wedding with me with as much enthusiasm as it was her own. She loves Dan like her own, he became instant family. I think she was just happy I grabbed me a GOOD one.

9. When I am sick, she shows up at my house with groceries, medicine, mint chip ice cream, you name it. And I never have to ask.

10. After almost 38 years of marriage she and my dad are still totally in love. I am so appreciative that I have a healthy model for marriage in my life that Dan and I can strive for.

She is my hero. She set the bar for the kind of mother to be. I learned everything I know from her. How to love, discipline, encourage, and the practical things like cooking a nutritious meal and how to braid hair. I talk to hear about everything (well maybe not everything...that might scar us both...). I seek my mom out constantly for advice. What should I do with my kids? How do you make that chicken dish, again? Which shoes should I wear with my dress tonight? Should I choke my husband this time or let him live? She is always on my side, my biggest encourager, ready to pounce like a wild mama cat to protect me, and full of unconditional love.

She is my best friend and I respect, admire and adore her.

Heaving a big sigh...

OF FRUSTRATION!!!!

I have the 2 year old blues.

My sweet little son has been snatched away and replaced by a nastier evil little copy.

He has been sassy.

Crabby.

A pest.

An antagonist.

A snot.

Shall I go on?

He is currently locked in his room so as to protect his snarly little chubby cheeks.

I finally got him to stop being sassy to me and then he started on his sister.

It is amazing the pure GLEE that comes with teasing one's sister.

Red was freaking out, screaming at him. (Which frankly I don't blame her and was secretly cheering her on to clock him one.)

So now, there he sits alone in his room, sassing his Cookie Monster doll because no one else will listen.

"Give me two hundred active two-year-olds and I could conquer the world." - Bill Cosby

Birthday ROCKS

I had the most fabulous 22+8 birthday this weekend. On Friday night, I dressed up in a new slinky black dress and waited for my husband to come home so we could go to dinner. When he finally gets home, he has a big grin on his face and a big box. (Oooh...presents...early....this is a good way to start)
Giddy, I sat down and greedily tore open the package. Shoes. They were cute. I was slightly impressed, until I looked up and realized he wanted me to PUT ON these black, casual, ankle boots. (Keep in mind I was wearing a slinky, strapless dress.)

PANIC.

He wants me to wear these to dinner.

He looks so happy and proud of himself.

What do I tell him?

Maybe they won't fit.

Please don't fit. I really like my new black dress and I will look RIDICULOUS in these shoes.

"Try them on!" He begs, excitedly.

Gulp.

Here goes....

I slip one shoe on.

Whew...they ARE a little tight.

I go to try on the other boot.

Hmmmm, something is stuck in there.

I peek inside the shoe and see a small white box.

Slowly, and suspiciously I pull out the box...Dan is grinning...smirking really.

I pop open the box and see the most DAZZLING diamond earrings.

"These aren't real are they?" I blurt out. (I sure know how to ruin a moment)

Oh but they are. And they are GORGEOUS. And huge (which will embarrass my husband by my telling you that).

I am one spoiled rotten girl. And it feels great.

And thank GOD he didn't really expect me to wear the shoes.

Birthdays Rock!

You know who totally kicks ass? My dear OLD friend, Kelly. She sent me this for the second year in a row. I am giddy, covered in chocolate and seriously chubby. Thanks, Kel!

I am off to get ready for a fabulous weekend. Dan is taking me to dinner at the Red Circle tonight, some swanky downtown restaurant. I can't wait. I'm gonna be a grown up tonight....I may even ditch the nursing bra and put on some high heels.

Tomorrow my parents are having a birthday party for me at their house, just a small group of friends. I begged them not to throw a surprise party...that is mortifying to me. Thank goodness they complied.

My brother and family and coming down from San Jose too, so I get to see my nephews who I miss SO much. We are doing a 4th birthday party for Ace on Sunday. Such a big boy. Gosh, it happens so fast.

Anyway, I'll probably be too busy...or smashed...to blog, so happy weekend, all!

Possibilities

One of the following happened yesterday that kept me from doing a Valentine's Day blog:

1. In my old age, I simply forgot.

2. I was swept away in an endless romance and could not make it to the computer through the piles of candy and flowers sent to me by countless lovers.

3. I spent the day covered in sugar, flour and children making cookies and candies. Then fell asleep with pink icing on the corner of my mouth so as to entice my husband with my ratty t-shirt and stained jeans and slippers.

Remember when Valentine's Day was actually romantic spent doing wonderful things like candlelit dinners, moonlight walks, slow dancing, romantic getaways? Maybe if I put romance on my day planner...(***Kristin, remember to be romantic tonight....take a shower at least, put on underwear that is not reminiscent of your grandmother)

In all honesty, in all the chaos we had a nice day. The kids had a great time making heart shaped cookies with me...licking the knife with every swipe of icing. (Remind me not to share these cookies with anyone...) Dan gave me a really thoughtful and ROMANTIC! gift. It was a really pretty journal with all kinds of sweet notes to me in it. I absolutely loved it.

Savannah made me a card at school, but then decided to give it to someone else. Hmph.

I also got a wonderful surprise in the mail from Carly. She sent me a birthday gift. It made my day. I wish my camera had batteries so that I could have taken a picture. It was a lovely card, an Aquarius magnet, and a chic lit book by Jennifer Weiner which I can't wait to read. Thanks, Carly!!

All in all a nice Valentine's Day. Even if we did just go to bed and watch TV. If you can't be away at some romantic hotel, being at home cuddled up in bed with some kiddie saliva cookies that were made with love ain't so bad.

4 Days and counting

It's gonna happen in 4 days. I feel something seeping out of me. It's my 20s. I'd say all the fun years are behind me, but I was never a real wild child so I guess I'll have to make up for it in the next decade. Yes, my 30s will be the decade of booze and sex and staying up all night.

Ok...so there won't be alot of booze...but hey, why not a little more since I was pregnant through my 20s. Maybe we can just declare Tuesday as Martini Tuesday. I like that plan. Hopefully some sex...but then again we all know where that got us in our 20s. And staying up all night isn't so much of an option as a guarantee with my little hooligans. But by GOD, I am going to live it up.

I have been assured by some wise souls that turning 30 isn't equivalent to falling off a cliff. I've even heard that this is going to be the best decade of my life, raising my kids and still being young.

Despite the horrifying number of candles on my cake...(there will be cake, right?)...I am so much happier now than I was 10 years ago. I truly wouldn't go back if I could. I am so much more self confident now and happy with my day to day life. I did some amazing things in my 20s. Got many big life goals accomplished. I married a wonderful man and had 3 beautiful children. I guess I have been busy for only being 29 years and 361 days old.

But here is a list of 30 things I would like to do in the next 30 years.

1. Go to Europe
2. Finally get a haircut I like
3. redecorate my house
4. Learn to knit
5. Take a Chinese cooking class
6. Learn to make a mean margarita
7. Go to a country concert (I never go because no one I know likes country)
8. Own a sexy car
9. Learn to exercise regularly
10. Learn to decorate cakes
11. Watch my kids graduate from high school
12. See my kids go on their first date and try not to snicker
13. Be best friends with my daughter, just like I am with my mom
14. Help my kids through college
15. Pay for Savannah's wedding
16. Give each of my kids a car
17. Go on a romantic second (did I ever really have a first??) honeymoon with my hubby.
18. Go to New York and see a Broadway play
19. Go on a girls vacation with Shana
20. Move to Texas
21. Take a trip on a train
22. Go on a Disney cruise with our kids.
23. Have a dog that gives birth to puppies
24. Take some classes that interest me for no reason, no pressure of grades (Political science, Spanish, history...things I didn't enjoy when I was younger but could appreciate now.)
25. Go to the Hershey Spa.
26. Own something by Prada.
27. Remodel my bathroom to have one of those enormous 2 person bath tubs.
28. Fall in love with my husband over and over and over again.
29. See my kids fall in love
30. Meet some grandchildren.

Who are you people?

I was browsing around on my sitemeter the other day and found some startling information. People are finding me on google in the most unusual ways. Here is a short list of some of the google searches that have brought up my blog. You tell me, should I be concerned?

men looking for nipple biting

don't kill me freaky jason

secretary porn

pantied bottoms

wife wears the pants

I pantied my husband

Slap Gingers Ass

Sweater Puppies

Unruly kids suck

Treating stinky hair

Crabby women

Now all of these searches brought people to MY blog. What does this say about me? LOL! Has anyone else had this experience? What weird google searches took people to your blog?

100 things the final episode

81. I like to squeeze the toothpaste in the middle. It gives me giddy, slightly evil satisfaction. My husband hates this. And I ALWAYS lose the cap. This makes me smile too because it infuriates Dan. I don't know why I love it so.

82. Feet freak me out. I don't like to touch other people's feet or be touched by them. My kids I don't mind. Red has learned that I don't like feet on me though and now hers are starting to bug me because she INSISTS on putting her feet all over me while she watches TV. She gets this from my mother.

83. I hate laundry. I would do the dished 12 times before putting laundry away.

84. If I think about breathing...I start to panic. I get stressed out because now I have to remember to breathe and wish I had never thought of it in the first place and try to forget, but now I can't think of anything else. Crap...here I go again.

85. I have REALLY thin lips and I hate them. When I smile they disappear. No joke. Dan has perfect lips. Really they are gorgeous and I wish they were mine. I hope my kids get his lips.

86. If I had to see myself as an animal it would be a giraffe. Tall, leggy, gangly and awkward. I wish I could say something sexy like a panther. But I'm not.

87. I make a mean spaghetti sauce. Thanks, Mom!

88. I asked my hubby for an ipod for Christmas with the intention of using it to exercise with. I have not exercised once since I got it.

89. I'm starting to get grey hairs and saw a few lines around my eyes in the last month. Seeing signs of aging is really freaking me out. I am going to turn 22 for the 8th time in less than 2 weeks.

90. When I am mad at my hubby I go shopping and spend money. It is really an awful habit. But I know it is something that will make him mad.

91. Dan has never asked me to do this, but I ALWAYS make sure I am home before him. Unless I make special arrangements and let him know ahead of time, I make certain that I am there waiting for him. I'm not sure why I do that, but I guess I like to make him feel loved and welcome and that I am always available for him.

92. I miss having long hair.

93. I am left handed, but throw right handed.

94. I don't like little white dogs.

95. I remember the first time a guy french kissed me. I thought it was gross and that I might throw up on his shoes.

96. When I was in school there was a girl with the same first and last name as me. She had the same middle initial. People naturally kept mixing us up. I was a shy, gawky, somewhat loner. She was captain of the cheerleaders, homecoming queen and valedictorian. It sucked for me.

97. I can never find a pillow that is comfortable.

98. I will only wear white socks.

99. I don't understand why thong underwear is sexy. Really, how many of us actually look good in it?

100. One day back in college I had an on again off again boyfriend. One night I was going to babysit for a friend and asked him to wait up for me so I could see him before he went to bed. He said he would stay up until 10pm. I was not sure if I would be back by then and teased, "But what if I get held up at gunpoint, won't you feel bad that you didn't wait for me?" That night on the way to my car to go home I was held up at gunpoint. No joke.

My soul mate

I think I have found a kindred spirit in a man named Steve Almond. I am reading his book, Candyfreak, A Journey Through the Chocolate Underbelly of America. It is fantastic and I am only on page 16. I thought I would share with you an excerpt that spoke to me deeply. It was as if he was reading my mind:

"Every now and again, I'll run into someone who claims not to like chocolate
or other sweets, and while we live in a country where everyone has the right to
eat what they want, I want to say for the record that I don't trust these
people, that I think something is wrong with them, and that they're probably -
this must be said - total duds in bed."

I love you Steve Almond, and I am thrilled that there is another one out there like me. Obsessed, sugar crazed and jonesing for a Milky Way.

Saturday Morning

It's a lazy Saturday morning. My eyes slide open just the tiniest bit and see the bright morning sun filtering in through the slats in the blind. Ah...morning. Oooh...better yet....no kids are in bed with us for once. I slide my foot over and rub my hubby's leg. Already it is a beautiful day. Hubby rolls over and and has a sly grin. He throws his arm over me and pulls me close for a lingering kiss. "Good Moooorning..." he says suggestively. I sigh, basking in the wonderful morning we are having...alone...then giggle flirtatiously and snuggle tighter.

Then I feel it. The tell tale shaking of the bed....and no, we're not doing it.

It's a child. Coming to get us. Suddenly, a Dora pantied bottom plops down on our HEADS. "Hey! That's my spot. Make room!" Red says as she shimmies her way in between our bodies. So much for romance.

"Let's watch Dora! Isn't that a great idea?" Red suggests.

"I had a better idea, " I mumble under my breath. Our plans foiled yet again.

I should just appreciate it. She's the best birth control we got.

Ick

I went to the dentist today and am completely drugged up. I am a freak when I go so they give me these anti-anxiety pills that make me all weirdo. Want to post something interesting. All that comes out is jibberish.

I'll try again later.

Who Wears the Money Pants?

I am truly a 1950's wife at heart. (Except that I don't vacuum in pearls...or at all for that matter). I stay home, I make dinner (sometimes it isn't even a frozen dinner), I tidy the house (Yes, Dan I DO, I can hear you snickering...) and I haven't got a CLUE about our finances. I don't know how much money we make each month (even though it is even a matter of public record), I don't know where our investments are, I don't know how much our mortgage payment is. I DO know how to use a credit card and practice often.

I hide every month when Dan clicks open the "BUDGET" file on the computer, sneaking around the house like a ninja trying to avoid the "We're operating in the RED" talk. It makes me feel like a child outside the Principal's office. I am a spender....Dan is a saver. I am grateful for this and am please that I landed me a man that knows how to provide for me and my blissfully clueless ways.


Don't get me wrong. Dan doesn't try to keep this from me. He tries...actively...to get me involved and explain things to me. I glaze over and block it all out (not always intentionally) and start daydreaming about shopping at Nordstroms. I'll snap back to reality eventually and see Dan staring at me sternly and I bat my eyes and rub my hand up his thigh....that usually does the trick.


The other night hubby mentioned to me that he knows SO many different guys whose wives run the financial show. These women, whether career ladies or SAHM's like me, are wearing the pants and controlling the finances. Hey, if that works for you, MORE power to ya. I am happy settling into a more traditional role of ignorance. (And despite what my MIL LOVES to tell me... it IS, in fact, MY money too and I DO believe that I earn it as equally as my husband). I just don't really care to know what happens behind the scenes. It is so much less stressful.


Everyone has their own gifts and talents. Mine is not money. I am the official toilet scrubber, butt wiper, thigh rubber, and underwear folder of the family. I'm happy letting hubby wear the pants...I like dresses better anyway. I've got great legs.

For the Ladies

Alright, male readers...this post is NOT for you. Do yourself a favor and scram. You don't want to read about this. Go ahead...click on Next Blog now while you have the chance. Scat.

Ok, now that THEY are gone us gals can chat. Brady as you know is now 10 months old. I am still breastfeeding. And I love it. I wanted to continue until he was at least a year and maybe a few months longer. Sometimes it makes me feel great like I have some sort of superpower and a special little secret between him and me. I love the way he gazes up and me and gives me a milky smile, or how he pats me with his chubby little hand, or the way he kneads me like a little kitten. Over the last few months we have been through long periods of thrush. He doesn't have it so bad, but I am in terrible pain.

My nipples are severely cracked, red, swollen, the skin is PEELING OFF. It is disgusting and I am dreading....DREADING nursing him. It is so bad that I am down to only nursing him at night for a short period and in the morning. It hurts to wear a bra. It hurts WORSE not to wear a bra. Let's just say our sex life is not exhilerating with this little problem lurking around. Dan has to fear getting smacked just for looking at them. I swear my nipples sting just from being seen.

My kids all have extremely fast metabolisms that require them to eat an extraordinary amount of calories to maintain and gain weight. I am feeding him tons of snacks and putting formula in with his solids. So I think he is doing OKAY on his calorie intake. But he WILL NOT take ANY liquids. I have tried bottles, sippys, regular cups. I have tried juice, formula, water, sugar water. The kid won't drink.

If it isn't a nipple...MY nipple...he won't touch it. I am at a loss. And I am reaching out to you ladies for advice (and to you men who seem to think you didn't need to run when I gave you the chance).

I don't know how to break the cycle. I am ready to give up breastfeeding. And I hate that. I really don't want to do that. But oh, my red cracked nipples! I can't take it!!

I have been treating them with anti-fungal, I took a difulcan pill, Brady is being treated with Nystatin. I've tried rubbing the breast milk into the nipple for treatment. Nothing is working. My doctor is a jerk who totally does not care. Bite me. Or here, let my germ infested nipple biter latch on to you until you bleed and see if you can conjure up some compassion.

I figure if I just jump ship and wean him, the problem will go away, he will get thirsty and eventually drink the formula. But I cry at the very thought. Yes, I may feel like a dairy cow sometimes (MOO!!!) but I am not ready to give it up. Maybe if I didn't know this was my last baby I would be more willing, but this is hard for me.

Have any of you experienced this? What did you do?