Today is a special day. I had a big post planned, but like always I never got around to it. Today is my 1 year blogaverssary. I have really loved getting to know all you bloggy people and look forward to many more happy memories. Cheers! And now back to our regularly scheduled programming....
I am a fertile person. You all know that by now. All three of my children that I completely utterly adore...were surprise. We always planned on having 3 children. Maybe just not in the timing that they came. But I know they all arrived when the time was right and Dan and I could not be happier.
Dan has been on a waiting list for the Big V for a while now. The time is coming up and I think the finality of it all is starting to get to us. Dan actually said to me the other night that he occasionally has a doubt pop up now and then....before he beats it back down and comes back to reality. This set off alarms in my head.
So we started talking. Do we really want another child? Now? NO NO NO. Eventually? No..well...do we? Maybe? I don't think so? Well...?
So what is this? Natural type of doubt as we close this chapter of our parenting book?
I decided to look into our birth control options. They look bleak. Dan and I are "challenged" when it comes to consistency with birth control. I thought I could find some form that would be good for several years and I wouldn't have to think about it. But none of them seem to be right for us. So where does that leave us? Back at the Big V?
I think I would be happy to have another child if we could be guaranteed a good 4 years stretch without a pregnancy. But then I start to think, wow, I am almost in the home stretch of toddlerhood and I could actually have some free time here in the next few years. (Sad that we are actually talking in YEARS) We always wanted to be young parents too, and if I got pregnant in 4 years from now I would be almost 35 when I had the baby. (no offense to any readers who may be over 35...haha)
I guess I am, with not a small amount of sadness, prepared to say good bye to this chapter called Fertility. My children bring me a great and abundant amount of joy as I watch them grow and learn. As my mom says, their milestones have and will become my milestones. And I am sure they will fill the seemingly large gap where pregnancy, birth, newborns, breastfeeding and diapers will leave behind as we take the next step.
I will miss the excitement of seeing 2 pink lines.
The joy of telling my parents, family and friends.
The tingle of feeling a baby stirring in my belly.
Dan's face when the doctor tells us "It looks like a girl (boy)" at our ultrasound
The giddy excitement when I realize my water broke.
The awe of seeing my brand new baby laying across my breast.
The sighs and the coos of a newborn.
The bond that forms as I nurse my child.
The smell of a freshly washed baby.
The swell of love that comes when they first smile.
I will miss so much. For any one of you who have yet to experience any of this, I hope you take the time to love it as much as I did when the time comes for you.
My mom assures me that these years with my children, small and at home, are the most fulfilling of my life. I choose to embrace that and want to enjoy every second of it. Here we go....