We can do it

Friday, January 12, 2007

Babies

Today is a special day. I had a big post planned, but like always I never got around to it. Today is my 1 year blogaverssary. I have really loved getting to know all you bloggy people and look forward to many more happy memories. Cheers! And now back to our regularly scheduled programming....


I am a fertile person. You all know that by now. All three of my children that I completely utterly adore...were surprise. We always planned on having 3 children. Maybe just not in the timing that they came. But I know they all arrived when the time was right and Dan and I could not be happier.
Dan has been on a waiting list for the Big V for a while now. The time is coming up and I think the finality of it all is starting to get to us. Dan actually said to me the other night that he occasionally has a doubt pop up now and then....before he beats it back down and comes back to reality. This set off alarms in my head.
So we started talking. Do we really want another child? Now? NO NO NO. Eventually? No..well...do we? Maybe? I don't think so? Well...?
So what is this? Natural type of doubt as we close this chapter of our parenting book?
I decided to look into our birth control options. They look bleak. Dan and I are "challenged" when it comes to consistency with birth control. I thought I could find some form that would be good for several years and I wouldn't have to think about it. But none of them seem to be right for us. So where does that leave us? Back at the Big V?
I think I would be happy to have another child if we could be guaranteed a good 4 years stretch without a pregnancy. But then I start to think, wow, I am almost in the home stretch of toddlerhood and I could actually have some free time here in the next few years. (Sad that we are actually talking in YEARS) We always wanted to be young parents too, and if I got pregnant in 4 years from now I would be almost 35 when I had the baby. (no offense to any readers who may be over 35...haha)
I guess I am, with not a small amount of sadness, prepared to say good bye to this chapter called Fertility. My children bring me a great and abundant amount of joy as I watch them grow and learn. As my mom says, their milestones have and will become my milestones. And I am sure they will fill the seemingly large gap where pregnancy, birth, newborns, breastfeeding and diapers will leave behind as we take the next step.
I will miss the excitement of seeing 2 pink lines.
The joy of telling my parents, family and friends.
The tingle of feeling a baby stirring in my belly.
Dan's face when the doctor tells us "It looks like a girl (boy)" at our ultrasound
The giddy excitement when I realize my water broke.
The awe of seeing my brand new baby laying across my breast.
The sighs and the coos of a newborn.
The bond that forms as I nurse my child.
The smell of a freshly washed baby.
The swell of love that comes when they first smile.

I will miss so much. For any one of you who have yet to experience any of this, I hope you take the time to love it as much as I did when the time comes for you.
My mom assures me that these years with my children, small and at home, are the most fulfilling of my life. I choose to embrace that and want to enjoy every second of it. Here we go....

11 comments:

Dr.John said...

I know what you will miss but in this crowded world three children may be enough. enjoy the ones you have. Pour out your love on them.

Dianne said...

I so know what you are talking about. Travis was able to have his "surgery" about 6 weeks after Landon was born. Sometimes I think it would be great to have another baby, to hear the new cry and have all the snuggles. I also would like to have another girl, but what are the chances after having 2 boys in a row? Also twins run in my family, and I know I don't want 5 kids......So I guess we are done too. Just think though, when your friends have babies you can oohh and ahh and then hand them back when they cry!!!!! At least Brayden is still a baby, mine is now 18 months and becoming a little boy more each day.(sniff sniff)I know you will make the right decision for your family.

Weinraub Family said...

Happy 1 yr B-day to your blog! It has been great "getting to know you". I hope someday we can actually meet in person (that is if the Navy is nice and sends us to CA next like we hope).

I love everything you listed about babies. I miss everyone of those (and more). When Hannah was first born, and we were struggling to adjust to having 2 kids, I (and Alan) swore we were done. NO MORE KIDS. Now that she is older, and absolute joy, I keep thinking "A third might be nice".

I was all set to get snipped myself (had I needed a c-section). Now I am glad I did not. Alan wont get the big V, even though he is the one who 100% says we are done with kids. I got the IUD, and so far so problems, except that since I am not in control, and there is no way to know it is doing it's job (at least not till Aunt flo shows up) it makes me paranoid.

I hope (and I know it will) it all works out when and how you want it.

Again, happy blog b-day.

What's For Dinner? said...

It is sad to close that chapter of your life! Being pregnant and nursing your child is one of the great joys God has blessed us with!
But as you said there is so much joy in what you already have and you will find so much relief and fun in the comfort of 'playing' with your husband without the worry of another year of breastfeeding.
missing you

Catch said...

Your Mother is very wise. When your children are small it is the best time of your life. You know where they are all the time, they love Mommy and think she knows everything!!! And they need lots of hugs and kisses...and what could be better? I have to say though, I had my youngest when I was 35....and I just enjoyed her so very much...I wasnt a bit nervous, I was just content to be home with her. I enjoyed all my babies....but I was 22 when I had my first one and didnt know a lot about babies so it was a learning process...for him and me. By the time I was 35 I had it down pat!

Pendullum said...

Beautiful post!!!! And so very true....

Miss Kelly said...

It's hard, isn't it? I've just recently come to terms with being "done" myself and it was tough. The day I figured it out, I cried my eyes out. But now I'm just going to make the most with what I have and where I am and vow to enjoy every moment of their childhood.
Though, when I hear a newborn cry in a store or restaurant, it makes me pine just to hold one...

Stephanie said...

Oh, my aching uterus! I know exactly what you are talking about. I love my girls so much, buy keeping having dreams about bringing a baby boy home from the hospital. Prophetic? We'll see...

Ms.L said...

I don't think that feeling ever,ever ever goes away.
I finally decided that I'd ALWAYS want another baby,lol,that I had zero control over that desire and that it had more to do with biology and keeping our planet going than with my needs,wants and desires.*sigh*

Happy Bloggiversary!

Mike, Nicki, and Josh said...

Love Ms. I's comment. Great post. I do think about another kidlet now and them but I'm very happy being able to drag (just) him all over Japan. I couldn't imagine tuggin' around 2 at this point in my life..... however, that does change from day to day.

Carolyn said...

You absolutely summarized all the things that I will miss too.

My husband had a vasectomy after our last child.

Even knowing that emotionally and financially we were tapped out, a part of me was still sad.